Time check: 9:54a.m.

I am supposed to be busy drafting letters, completing Affidavits and other related tasks rather

than updating my blog at this hour.

But I insist on procrastinating and here I am drafting my entry instead.

I am still surviving to date since nothing much in my schedule right now.

It’s term break yet again. Only need to attend POA classes on Wednesday and Friday.

So 3 days of freedom(weekends not included).

The pressure of working and studying at once really is getting to me now.

I am afraid I might screw up all the four subjects and end up repeating the entire modules again!

****
Disappointment. How can it remain hidden for long?

I never expect that from her.

Apart from that notorious nature, I know deep down she is much more intelligent that she

appears to be.

I thought she can make a rational decision but she proves me wrong.

Her intelligence merely reflected in the record book but do not extend beyond that.

And not all can be blame on her parents. If you decide to stay firm, you won’t end up where you are not.

In the middle of nowhere. Your future; unpredictable.

I’ve tried to do some damage control but it seems beyond repair.

I failed to salvage her from sinking deeper.

To whom it may concern, I really hope it is not too late to change your decision.

I pray that you will finally realize what you have done to your life.

It is too precious to go wasted and especially not in this very manner.

I really don’t know whether you will be reading this but I hope you do.

And if you do, I hope you know it’s meant for you..

***
Currently, there is only one song I am listening to and it gets very addictive.

All because of Nad’s entry she posted a week back.

Beyonce: Flaws and all is set on loop.

Wonder why the lyrics seem so closer to the heart than any other.

How the words hold so much truth it made me all teary-eyed.

Actually I don’t know why I even bother to explain myself on this one.

If I am deem as a bad person in your eyes so be it lor. I can live with that anyway.

Firstly, there was no binding agreement or even a promise that I would attend it. So yah!

I was merely requesting for information which was answered by you. Thanks for that by the way!

I made a passing statement to follow on certain conditions which was not fulfilled.

Lastly, I don’t think my PRESENCE made so much of a difference.

Bottomline is…It wasn’t at the 11th hour.

Thus, I am not guilty. :D

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I have concluded that this year Raya outing is meant to be up, close and personal.

For the 2 consecutives weekends, I had memorable visits to various houses.

The most recent would have to be with Nadilton! Had so much fun and slept over her place for the night. It would have been better w/o (fill in the blank). I am not sure if I can still do that this Friday. Hmm..We’ll see how things turn out then.

Pictures will be compiled and uploaded in due course.

In need for a retail therapy but cash flow is very restricted in the meantime. *sigh*

----------

You are such a nag but I love you anyway..

GIVE IT TO ME

What are you waiting for?
Nobody's gonna show you how
Why work for someone else
To do what you can do right now

Got no boundaries and no limits
If there's excitement, put me in it
If it's against the law, arrest me
If you can handle it, undress me

Don't stop me now, don't need to catch my breath
I can go on and on and on
When lights go down and there's no one left
I can go on and on and on

Give it 2 me, yeah
No one's gonna show me how
Give it 2 me, yeah
No one's gonna stop me now

They say that a good thing never lasts
And then it has to fall
Those are the the people that did not
Amount to much at all

Give me the bassline and I'll shake it
Give me a record and I'll break it
There's no beginning and no ending
Give me a chance to go and I'll take it

Don't stop me now, don't need to catch my breath
I can go on and on and on
When lights go down and there's no one left
I can go on and on and on

Give it 2 me, yeah
No one's gonna show me how
Give it 2 me, yeah
No one's gonna stop me now

[Pharrell:] Watch this!

Get stupid, get stupid, get stupid, don't stop it (What?)
Get stupid, get stupid, get stupid, don't stop it (What?)
Get stupid, get stupid, get stupid, don't stop it (What?)
Get stupid, get stupid, get stupid, don't stop it

Get stupid, get stupid, get stupid, don't stop it
(To the left, to the right, to the left, to the right)
Get stupid, get stupid, get stupid, don't stop it
(To the left, to the right, to the left, to the right)

Get stupid, get stupid, get stupid, don't stop it
(To the left, left, right, right, left, left, right, right)
Get stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid...
(Left, left, right, right, left, left, right, right)

Don't stop me now, don't need to catch my breath
I can go on and on and on
When lights go down and there's no one left
I can go on and on and on

Give it 2 me, yeah
No one's gonna show me how
Give it 2 me, yeah
No one's gonna stop me now

You're only here to win
Get what they say?
You're only here to win
Get what they do?
They'd do it too
If they were you
You done it all before
It ain't nothing new

You're only here to win
Get what they say?
You're only here to win
Get what they do?
They'd do it too
If they were you
You done it all before
It ain't nothing new

Give it 2 me, yeah
No one's gonna show me how
Give it 2 me, yeah
No one's gonna stop me now

Give it 2 me, yeah
No one's gonna show me how
Give it 2 me, yeah
No one's gonna stop me now

Give it 2 me

Festive mood isnt dying as yet.

Enjoy!

My daily mantra: Love wins. Love always wins.

I am not talking only love between you and your partner. It extends to the love for other mankind. Start by loving yourself. Embrace your flaws and weaknesses. Flaunt your strengths.

Love your parents, friends and colleagues even.

Learn to forgive yourself. Forgive others.

When you start giving your love to others, you will always be remembered. Even death can’t take that away.

We are often in constant denial when it comes to physical intimacy. We claim we want our personal space. But deep down we yearn for human contact. A friendly hug. A kiss on the cheeks.

Truth is…. we can’t get enough of it.

"The bravest are the tenderest. The loving are the daring"
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow-

Music is universal.
There is different type of songs for different occasions.

For example:

In a club, boy meet girl..
You get Nelly Furtado ft. Timbaland - Promiscuous



And when things get groovy..Angela Via - Baila Baila




Within the 6 months of the relationship..Dangerously In Love - Beyonce Knowles



Still in love but a quarrel occurs..Beyonce - wishing on a star



After the end of the "honeymoon period" things turn sour.
GF trying to act cool after the breakup. Miley Cyrus - 7 Things




Or the desperate GF begging for him to return..The Garden- Mirah



This is totally random! :D
And guess what?! I am not done with any of my assignments except for Accounts and yet I still waste time on unnecessary activities.

RAIN & SHINE

The sky is gloomy again. Just like my thoughts nowadays. I have been trying to convince myself. La Tahzan. But my heart not willing to listen to my brain. Most likely they are not in good terms. There need to be some sort of co-ordination here. But resistance seems to be the issue.

It scares me most of the time. Again my problem. I have become accustom to being around him and relying so much on him when times are bad. I am worried if things don’t turn out right. How am I going to face it? The end result will be either to make it or to break it.

Like the law of nature, after the rain there will definitely be sunshine. And on better days, rainbows might appear. The flowers blooming and the birds chirping merrily. That is what I am waiting for.

He said I always expect the best. Who wouldn’t? If not, I won’t be considered human right? Yes I know because of such expectation it leads to destruction. But due to the same expectation, it brings me to where I am now. Being able to propel forward and sometimes exceed my own expectations.

And what those lectures taught me: To look at both sides of the coin. And choose a stand. Thus, I am choosing to stay with my beliefs.

After what I have went through and after alterations to my lifestyle, I am still firm with this one.

Some things just don’t and won’t change. :)

It's great being blonde - with such low expectations it's easy to impress.

Pamela Anderson

I think we have grown apart. All of us. We have other commitments that need more attention. I have grown out of the fact we aint like how we used to be. That's okay. I am accepting the fact the distance will be hard to bridge in times to come. I am not trying to say I dont care or that I cant be bothered about us. I still do care. I still try as much to narrow the gap. I must admit. I miss us.

I miss alot of people and I cant do much. At the end of the day, it's the choice you make in life that determines your destiny.

It's a hell of a rollercoaster ride all year round. At least I felt like on top of the world for the past half a year. So far so good. Of course with some bitter moments. Apart from that life been on my side.

I have never been so close to someone in my entire life and some part of me..honestly not even my family is aware of it. It scares me that I have become an open book to him. The fear.

Geram nak mampos sey ngan cleaner office.

Kerje tak seberapa, complain je lebih.. Eh bodoh betol ah! Kalau tak nak kerja cakap je ah.

Tak payah nak attitude kat sini. Dah lah bau tenggik, bergayut kat telephone 24 jam.

Dia ingat nie apa? Fun fair ke?

Kalau dah malas nak kerje tak payah nak order2 orang around. Aku boleh buat ah!

Pay bawak mari ah. Kasi aku. Duit nak, kerja half past six. Memang nak kena smack!

Eeeee..Macam nak cekik2!

Being Cheeky!!

Am I really growing up way too slow here?

Only now that I begin to embrace that cheekiness in me and actually not feeling awkward about it!

Oh by the way..Confidence can be really sexy..

Happy Belated National Day!!

to my dearest Singapore and my apologies if I forget how old you are.

It seems that I have lost track of time.I am feeling the pressure of juggling so many things at one time. There are so many things to accomplish with inadequate time..

I want to meet up with the friends..So many of them have yet to be met for a very long time! That includes Ashikin, Nurul and Shahdon..

I need to complete my tutorials which are long overdue..

I need to collect my raya clothes!

And I really need time to exercise!!

Hmmm..There seems to be lots of reading to be done too!

Have I mentioned how terribly I miss camwhoring? I want to have more pics taken!

And how bad I want to shop but I cant because believe it or not I am nearly broke!!

Such sacrifices to make at this age...Sigh!

Lastly, I want a hair make-over!

My dearest colleagues never fail to surprise me with their antics. Mind you it can be reallyfatal to the mind, body and soul. I am totally blown away by how childish, annoying, weird,selfish and unprofessional these people who fall under the category; Mature Adults canbe. It even surprises me being the youngest and yet cause the least problems in the office. I am the most tolerant one in the bunch. I am the most mature one around.

How and why can that possibly happens? Hahaha!Hey! That's because they are only deemed mature by the increasing numbers to their age. They dont have what we known as COMMON SENSE!

I am currently wishing that I wont grow old in that way. Senseless with stinking attitude.
These people have failed to grasp the concept of empathy and inculcate dirty habit known as"blood suckers".

In primary school, we were taught Moral Education and how being courteous was given so muchimportance.Looks like they must have failed it badly. Or even if they passed it must be dueto the regurgitation method.

Life has been pretty good to me. Despite minor glitches, it actually progress on smoothly.In the meantime, I am very pleased and contented with what I have in Life. I'll be too greedy to ask for more.

Smile..Be positive. Like many have spoken or told: Life's too Short! And I cannot disagree to that.
----------------------------------------------------------------
To whom it may concern,

I am glad that you willingly take the plunge with me into the deep sea without any life jackets to keep us afloat.We have swam a thousand miles (okay I'm exagerrating!) and conquered our fears. We are still surviving and have yet to drown to the seabed. We are still alive and kicking!

Never once have I regretted my decision which was based on something else altogether. :) In fact, I am very grateful that I took that first step. Nevermind the fact that's totally off from my league. i am still glad that first step initiated blooms into an ardently-inscribed story. Our story.

It seems like a very long time since I put up an entry dedicated to you. Now, taking a teeny bit of my time to do this just makes me feel good. At least I know I still have a heart that beats not just for work! It can feel and potray emotions too..

Thank you for being by my side and hold my hand.

Yours truly..

--------------------------------------------------------------------
School have never felt so tiring before. I hope I can cope with the additional bulk on my shoulder. I hope I wont collapse. I am hoping for the best and all these are for my future.

Did you play your cards right?

The late Heath Ledger who once starred Broke Back Mountain nailed a character such as the Joker so well it sent chills down my spine. That performance deserves standing ovation. Seriously.

I am not of any way a fan of Batman movies eventhough I watched them all. However, I have to say Dark Knight did not disappoint tonight. It cant be better written than what it is.

Dissecting the story into parts, it shows the chain reaction of your choice..

By a flip of coin, everything changes..
By that flip of coin, it destroys..

Hey, this leads me on to this..
No choice is a choice of its own

This is no fun. Staying in a room isolated from everyone else. It feels like I am being quarantined due to some contagious illness. I am feeling bored here. I can’t deny the fact that I am more productive since there’s lesser distraction BUT I definitely cannot survive being alone in this room. Hate the emptiness and loneliness. ARGH!!!! Please rescue me from this ordeal. As of today, it has been close to 3 weeks I habituate this place.

Now, I am wishing for the renovation to end as soon as possible so as to unleash myself from this torture chamber!! Well..well..It sounds like some theatrical performance going on here. Hey, I am capable of making things look dramatic. I’m the queen of exaggeration.

I think I have shed all my bitchiness away for the time being. It has gone away with the less frequent drama performance. Negligible in fact. SIGH!!

Have I actually make a mess out of my life? Mockery? Hmmmm..I am clueless.
I cant seem to come to a conclusion. My work? Has been depressing. My morale is very very low. I keep believing I am not cut for this firm and the job it offers. *CRIES*

This entry is extremely random.

Point to take note: Date with Mr. Dark knight on Saturday! Whee!!

Pocketful of Sunshine!!

My Weird taste for Music

Ke_Mana_Kau_Pergi. - Mahadhir_feat_Mas_Idayu

Anyone who has yet to watch Angelina Jolie in action in her new movie WANTED might want to catch it this weekend. I shall not proceed to comment about the movie as my comments won’t do much justice to this great movie.

Yet another overdue entry from me. School starts OFFICIALLY on 30th June 2008 and my level of frustration is beyond words. The Administrative Department is in total mess and they are extremely annoying. Should have take the hints and heed the advices. My mistake for poor judgment and I cant back out now. I shall take this like a hit and run case.

On the brighter note, the law lectures seem pretty smooth sailing and impressive. To top it all, I will be graduating under UOL like any other. Need to work EXTRA hard. Especially in terms of obtaining relevant resources.

Hey Hey! I am a more positive person now. Shikin..I am not so negative afterall okay. Haha!
As mentioned in my earlier entry, I love the current materials I am reading. It’s like soul cleansing session.

Talking about cleansing..I want to have my Spa indulgence soon. Before the fasting month. I hope the plan goes on well and we shall head for our getaway session in August. I really REALLY need it badly!!

I have been trying to crack my brain to find places which I can visit during the weekend. Singapore is getting very very crowded I tell you! Well..well.. I have found a few good places to visit. You will be surprise what you can find in “Ulu pandan” places such as Toa Payoh, Sengkang and Hougang! HAHAHAHA!! I’m lovin’ it!

It’s 5:44pm!! Whee! TGIF!!! Hurrah!! Packing up now. Office under renovation and I am under isolation period. Feeling lonely in a room all to myself!!!! Or at least can increase productivity..(Ya right!) hmmmm…

My randomness strikes back..

Dear Miss,

Don't be too driven by emotions because it is not worth it.
Don't dwell on what have happened because the present is what matters.
God is never cruel.
If sadness enter your life now, happiness definitely will come knocking your door.
If it is meant to be, it will.
You cant run away from fate.
Stay strong..

Love,
Halimah :)

Recently, I have been doing much of reading and you will never guess what I read. I borrowed books which sadly to say I have neglected before. It calms my nerves and allows my mind to be at peace. In any way, I have been trying to revamp my life. It is definitely not easy. It's like Jihad.

I am being less and less productive nowadays. It frustrates me so much that I cant get many things done like how I used.

It's my first love and I wish it to be my last..

You warm my heart..

PROCRASTINATION. Yet again!
I have not been very diligent at studies for sure. TWO assignments! I still cant complete both. Plus no Tutoring today supposedly to make things easier. Unfortunately it didnt because I failed to utilise that precious time. Instead I start browsing friendster and typing this entry.
Delay is not only for the assignments but other activities as well i.e.

- To watch Samurai X series (I'm still stuck at Disc 2 out of 12!!)
- To finish reading up the library books
- To finish reading the Crim Law guide[Chap: Defence]
- To fold piles of clothes and chuck inside the wardrobe
- To visit the optometrist: my eyesight is failing me :(
- To call up AVIVA: taking too long to reply my letter. Sigh.

I shall not continue with the list or I'll get a fright myself.
In a few minutes, I am heading to a Wedding invitation @ Tampines. And ya! I still have yet to find the colour!!

I need to start the list soon or perhaps now!! Bye.

It was so clear from the very beginning.
He have one thing in his mind. Fear.
It is undeniably that the only solution he ever thought of. Separation.
Disappointment cant be any obvious than this.
The way she gathers courage and stay strong. Heart-wrenching.
Pretense. Such an act to hide vulnerability.

.....

The same topic keep dwelling in the household. I dont even know how to approach it. The talks make me really angry at times.
How she behaves recently. It is perfectly fine to be in a relationship BUT to neglect everything else is not so wise. Anyway, she is not mature enough for this and I fear it more when she is with him. He is not someone I fancy to be with her. He is too questionable to deserve my approval. It is really a challenge to approach this because I dont want to appear busybody.

If the parent dont want to take the active role in discipling, who else will?
External parties can only advise but nothing much to it. She being that defiant makes me want to give her a tight slap. I dont want someone I know too well to be a victim to temptation. That will be the last thing I want.
I wonder how much damage is done.
I wonder how corrupted it has been.
Parenting is not easy. One need to be diplomatic especially when it comes to such matter.
And importantly, proper education needs to be inculcated since young. The naive days.
Like a malay saying:"Melentur buluh biar dari rebungnya"
Translated version: "Taming the bamboo starts when it's a shoot"

...

After a hectic week at work, it reaches the abyssal period.

...

With reference to the tagboard, I am excited about 2008 Baju Raya. I need to go hunting of it soon. Still undecided: the colours, ready-made or tailor-made? Hmmm....