It hurts more than I can ever imagine. Being doubted by someone that mean the whole world to you isnt the thing anyone would wish for. That pain lingers within your heart, engulfing your soul. No words can describe the pain. Perhaps I am exaggerating on it but nonetheless the feeling is terrible. I hate it when it all repeat itself. It is like a bad movie or a bad song that keeps playing over and over again. It gets annoying. It makes you despise that moment so much you just want to scream so that it will stop. But apparently it never. I don’t even know whether it will ever stop. Sigh.
No matter how bad it is an apology always makes it better. Temporarily at least. When the same situation arises, it stirs the same old feeling. It is almost like a cycle you know. A cycle you just hope never exist.
I cant put the blame on one party. Perhaps its both or perhaps its none. No matter what it hurts both. Why must certain things be so complicated? Why cant things be very simplified? Straight-forward. No twists and turns. But one will say if such things happen, what’s the point of living? It is as good as living a pointless life. No ups and downs. No learning throughout your years. Forever stagnant. Stuck at the same point. No revolution.
I will try to look at it on its bright side. Such situation serves as a challenge or a test that will prove the authenticity of the beautiful words once spoken or written not long ago. Come what may, will you stay?
Try answering it sincerely..
24th May 2007
I wrote this on the stated date but only able to post it today because of the same reason stated in my previous entry. I want to be active updating this blog once more with better entries. I have been trying to let my imagination run wild. Letting my words flow freely. But I failed. No matter how much I tried to let everything out in words. It never seem to sound right. I am no good with words since god knows when. Neither am I good with portraying my emotions in the best way without leading to misunderstanding. There is a difference between acting on stage and being yourself in real life. I love acting as someone else and indirectly adding my own emotions to make it realistic. That’s the beauty of theatre. That’s the reason I love theatre. Solely acting that is. Acting is a form of art that allows the freedom of expression. However, since I have become inactive in it for quite a long time now..There is minimal way to express those buried feelings. The other options is to talk it out (to the right person of course). But who wants to listen? People are so busy with their work/ commitment. They don’t even care what you are going through. The only best thing they can do is to hear you. Kindly note that there is a difference between listening and hearing. I rather be listened to than be heard.
Oh yah..I talk as though I am the only person in the world with problems huh? Maybe I am selfish. Just like what a colleague said. “You all ah..Very selfish..If selfish don’t be human ah. Better be animals”. Haha! Who can ever forget such words man! People pretend to forget but they don’t. Definitely not those words.
Alright, my entry is turning depressing as time goes by. I think I should opt talking about the wonderful, perfect moments of my week rather than doing what I am doing now huh? Afterall, people appreciate Life as it is while it lasts.
Ermm..Before I proceeds to type the happy moments of my week I want to highlight on an issue or rather end it with a question. Why is it so difficult for people to give others a second chance?
Okay! Let’s be happy now. I sound like I am having Multiple-Personality Disorder right? Don’t bother.
12th May 2007: Off Centre
I know I am way too late in updating about this but hey..It’s better late than never. And if you are already late be later! Anyway, the play was a blast. I think you guys should visit the following livejournal:- www.miss godsend.livejournal.com for a well-written review on the play. It was awesome, fantastic, witty and the list goes on. Definitely worth the money! After this play, I am itching to watch another and another and another. I am so missing acting and watching plays. Shah and Shikin! We need to hunt more good plays and watch it together ok!
Further to the above, I am writing to demand for the pictures taken from 12th May 2007 outing and from last month expo-Nasi Ayam penyek outing. Kindly forward the said pictures through email, post it on the blog or burn it to CD, whichever deems fit within the next fourteen (14) days, failing which I am proceeding according without further reference to you.
By the way, that’s for you SHAHDON! And in layman’s term..WHERE’S ALL THE GODDAMN PICTURES? What takes you so long to upload or send it to us?! Argh! Geram!
13th May 2007: Mothers’ Day
It was Mothers’ Day but as usual I am not the daughter that celebrates it. I only celebrates Birthdays. Haha! It was also the day I finally stepped into City Plaza. OMG! The place was jam-packed with indonesian maids/banglas/phillipinos/Thai workers. It was especially full with them on a Sunday. However, the place was very promising. You can find all sorts of things there. The clothes are affordable. Nice bags. Cheap VCDS. And there is my favourite food outlet too! Arnold! Yummy. It was an interesting trip down there with my cousin. She engaged my help in search for her mom’s gift for Mothers’ Day. That made me a little guilty nonetheless. Haha!
I think that’s about it for the major events that makes slight difference to my boring life. Haha.
31st May 2007 is Vesak Day and I am planning to watch the Pirates with my cousin on the 30th. It will surely be another exciting event. I love her company. Somehow she makes me feel young. Haha!
And I want to fit in 2 more appointments into my next week calendar. Planning to meet the ladies again. That was a long time ago. Haha!
There you have it. An ultra long entry.