05 December 2009

Dead & Gone!!



I miss performing...Haiz..
Mim Alif Lam Alif Sim....

the best described my current state. I have not even started on a proper revision on any of my subjects including Contract Law. Gosh..This is so sucky. I have been slacking far too much and I think December is a perfect time to start the engine before it's too late.

All that said, I cant find the drive to begin!!!!!! HELP!!
Exposed

I am known for my controlled emotions but does not always mean it is healthy.
Once awhile you just need to eradicate unwanted thoughts, feelings etc from your system so that it wont overflow and spill. Now that will be a messy affair if it happen to spill.

Well I am thankful that I am able to detoxify occasionally.
There is always one particular individual I can count on to be the shoulder to cry on, the listening ears to share my ups & downs and the hands
that catch me when I fall.

I am thankful that I fate bring me to him.

Oh, I do not discriminate.

Thus, I would like to express my gratitude to the friends that have been there when I broke down and torn apart. Been there when I soar up high and smile.

Thank you.

08 November 2009

Standstill

The hiatus of thoughts is over now.
I hereby resume writing per normal.
Alright, life like was mentioned in my earlier entry is pretty much monotonous.
With the routine-base activities I am going through daily, it is making my brain sluggish.
Plus, my creativity juice has dried up and never replenish since God knows when.

My current state is very disheartening.
It is similar to suffering from chronic illness minus the physical pain.
Mine is more of a mental torture. It hurts more as the year progress to an end.

Thankfully, I have my studies to keep me sane. Only for a short while.
Apart from that, I don't feel that I accomplish much within this year.
There is no new challenges in my life. No doubt my job is getting taxing with added responsibilities. But there is still no pleasure. Like things got stale along the way.

Haiz..I am jaded.




Monotony

Black & Bleak.
I am hyperventilating in an empty room.
Why? Why do you do that to me?

Rip me apart and leave.
Why? Why do you do that to me?

Twirling with my thoughts.
Push me into a whirlpool.
Why? Why you don't even care?

Is it time yet? To make my exit.






04 October 2009

I've gone a long way to give it all up.
Despite feeling sore over it, I will continue to move ahead and not look back.
No turning back. It is something I will not do. Not ever.
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We have come a long way to where we are now.
In order to take another step ahead, a lot of factors need to be taken into consideration.
Yes, it is not easy but nothing is difficult with proper planning and teamwork(very important!)
I hope we will be ready for that next step. :)
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Have not been religiously blogging due to various commitments. Drained.
However, for the sake of better future I shall persevere and endure.
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Hope it is not too late to publicly wish..

Nur Ashikin Binte Tahir, a belated HAPPY 23rd BIRTHDAY!
May you be blessed with happiness.
Don't feel that insecure about he forgetting to wish. I'm sure it was an honest mistake.

Muhammad Fuad Bin Muhammad Zain, a HAPPY 23rd BIRTHDAY!
May you be successful in your life! Learn to be more patient in life ya! :)

All Muslims around the world, SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI!
In times of happiness, don't forget the less fortunate ones.
Be appreciative 'cos you will never know when you will face with hardships.
Celebrate and Eat in Moderation this festive month! :)








05 August 2009

I am sorry for being ignorant and stuck in my own bubble for a very long time.
Oh yes, I am guilty.
I was distant. I was cold. I was thoughtless.
It took me so long to realize all these.
I am extremely slow in processing it all.
On the brighter note, I have tomorrow onwards to make it up to those people that matters.
SMSes. Random meet-ups. Chat. Or whatever is there. I shall spare those precious time for precious people like you. :)


Okay, I am rebuilding my goals in life.
It is still under construction though but I definitely have a clearer idea of what I want to achieve in life.

You know what, I can stand on my own two feet. I am as much capable as you are.
I dont need your kindness, thank you very much.

And what a friend said is true.."We can spare a few minutes or a few seconds to listen to them but they can't do the same to us"

Oh well, life's unfair and I realize it already. Therefore, I can start coping my future in a better way. :)

That's all for my random and messy thoughts. Bye!






01 August 2009

The End of Endless Procrastinations

Settled and watched the followings..

1) Bride Wars
2) 17 Again
3) It's a boy girl thing
4) Definitely, Maybe
5) John Tucker Must Die
6) P.S I love you

And even ended up watching a documentary about Bermuda Triangle.

Hmm..Increment have just passed and oh well slowly climbing up the ladder and start to wonder whether should I choose another track to move ahead.

Oh! Nadira is in town and have yet to meet up with her. So the coming week shall be spend meeting up with her. It's just 6 months huh? Feel much longer than that.

Planning on a not-so shopping spree today. We'll see how it goes.

School starting in a month time and Ramadhan is also around the corner. Life's gonna be hectic again.

Before I forget, I am currently into sketching/drawing whatever you call it. I am trying to come out with a few art pieces for own collection. Haha. So far did two. Hmm..

Alright..till we meet again soon! Bye!


19 July 2009

Take a Break!

Oh great! Almost 2 months have passed and my break is coming to an end on 7th September!
Only now I managed to meet up with a friend to get tons of movies to watch.
Ya what a waste for not having those movies earlier to kill the time!
So to compensate for the loss I decided to do a movie marathon!
I started yesterday and I still have plenty of catching up to do.
Therefore, in order to expedite matter I am listing down the movies I am dying to watch.
  1. Bride Wars
  2. 17 Again
  3. 21
  4. It's a Boy Girl Thing
  5. Fracture
  6. Untraceable
  7. Conspiracy
  8. Knowing
  9. My Sassy Girl
  10. My Blueberry Nights
  11. The Promotion
  12. Thank You for Smoking
  13. Definitely, Maybe
  14. Dark Floors
  15. Teeth
  16. The Great Debaters
  17. Reservation Road
  18. Meet Dave
Wokay! I think it's over ambitious to complete the list but I think it's possible! Let the race begin!

Alright, I have absolutely nothing about my life I wish to update for the time being so so..till then! Sayonara people!!




05 July 2009

Childhood Bliss

How perfect it is if life can be as sweet as cotton candy and ice lemon tea!
Unfortunately, it is not.
So we make do of what we possess to the best of our ability and make imperfection seems perfect.
Even in the smallest of things, we CAN be happy and chirpy.

Currently, I find pleasure & happiness in COLORS and CARTOONS.
And I find the perfect balance in these..

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15 June 2009

Okay, I think I am financially atrocious this month.
I did not set aside my savings unlike any other months.
I did too much unnecessary shopping which I should have considered first.
My indulgence got the best of me. Financially.

I am going to be declared broke soon but in the meantime I am still sustaining.
I hope I can last till the 26th! *pray & meditate*
When two worlds collide, explosion is an understatement

Finally, I redeemed myself from 6 days of worthless activities.
Long breaks are seriously unhealthy and it keeps me away from doing constructive work.

By the way, he is freaking me out with his dedication to studies and work.
He seems to be putting in ten times extra effort than what I did in the 1st year.
He definitely will not be facing any problems in his studies.

Alright, I have been kinda holding on a dream but nowadays this dream is giving me chills somehow.
As time tick by, two years wont be that long afterall. Am I prepared? Hell no!

I am not prepared for so many things. Especially religiously.
My knowledge is insufficient and I am scared.
Of course I need to start somewhere and I don't even know where and how.
I am not gaining knowledge to lead me through just for the two years but to lead me through my life. My future.

Hmm...Perhaps this long break can be useful to sort my life out and to do some re-adjustments.

Oh well, nowadays constant bickering seem to be a norm. Our differences seem to be much more apparent now then it has been years before. I am sorry for being so intolerant and petty. I think I shouldn't treat you differently from others.
I shouldn't impose a different standards on you. I am so sorry for being very difficult.
I, myself cant seem to understand
my actions sometimes.
Maybe I just crave extra attention from you. Maybe I am not even thinking.
I spurt out words
that pierce like a dagger. Yet you still stay. I thank you for that.
For believing in me when no one else did.
For being by my side when I was alone.
For sharing my joy and wiping my tears.

I know this is such a private affair to be shared with the whole world but since it reveals nothing too personal so I don't mind posting it up.

02 June 2009

Life is a maze and Love is a riddle




This just makes me smile : ) Cheerful and vibrant. Alright, 1 week has passed by and I actually did quite a substantial amount of activities. From meeting cluster to spring cleaning my room to organizing shoes into its individual boxes to completing Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist. It felt good!

This week should be dealt with in a better way too. I need to settle the 2nd year subjects selection and psychology is still on my 'considering' list. Hmm..No doubt it sounds interesting and intriguing but not sure whether I can pull it through. Perhaps I should just go for it. Taking the risk in life is what makes it more challenging and fun!

I am going to make mental note to self about what I want to achieve this week. Hopefully it will be a more fruitful week for me unlike this entry. Till then, enjoy the present and stop worrying about the future.




24 May 2009

One ordeal has come to an end. Let's call it a break, shall we?
It was one of the toughest challenge I had to face so far.
It really opened up my eyes and my mind.
So the next time I shall pursue it from the beginning and put extra effort into it.

This long break need to be well planned and utilized as to avoid aimless digressions.
I want to do something fruitful apart from doing substantial amount of reading.
It has finally dawn on me that I have no passion for anything at the moment.
Nothing that I really would like to do at a regular basis. I cannot find my moxy. :(

Therefore, I will embark on a journey to find it. Not to be analytical about it. Just to clear my mind and settle on something. I should start doing some changes to my lifestyle. I don't want to be stuck in a routine all my life. Let see what I can come up with within these two months or so.

Till then..I shall bid my goodbye and leave you with a song I heart at the moment.

07 May 2009

A very very long day..*sigh*
From sleepless night to chaotic morning
From giddy and nauseous morning to anxious mid-day
Sweaty & rushed..
And now, drained!
Sleepy too!

I never had a paper like this in my entire life!
Not even the vomiting.
Wishing that the rest will be a smooth ride.

28 April 2009

And I find it kind of funny... I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying... Are the best I've ever had


27 April 2009

Congratulation Marie! 3 years to go!

I know I am always lagging when it comes to updates and wishes but nonetheless I am trying to keep up with the time.

Biar muka meleket macam gula melaka atau berminyak seperti pantat kuali.
Hati tetap happy melihat kawanku sarung cincin di jari.
Sekali lagi, tahniah Marie!


Okay! Today was my first day back to school (again!). And oh well I was scolded by the librarian for eating nutrition bar! Totally "what-the-hell" moment but I actually put on my plastic face and apologized half-heartedly to the b*tch. Just me being me. Haha!
Despite starting the day on the bad note, I have never felt this rejuvenated for a very long time. I supposed it must be being away from the unhealthy aura.

I am loving my new lifestyle!!! With the exceptions of the slogging of course.

17 April 2009

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Weight Loss program!!

Oh dear!! No one have ever like point it out straight to my face that I have gain ALOT of weight until two days ago. That was like a slap across the face to wake me up from falling deeper into the unhealthy weight zone.

On the day itself..I tell myself to be determined and shed off those extra kilos that I've gained over the 3 years of working. Yes, it's the work! All those sitting down in front of the computer is really unhealthy.
So..I have come up with the to do list to help lose approximately 3-4 kg plus a toned abdomen and here it goes...

-Climb up the stairs instead of using the elevator to get to the office/after lunch
-Drink plenty of water
-Push-ups & crunches alternate with aerobic exercises (on weekdays)
-Jogging every Sunday
-Reduce food intake during lunch (intending to eat bread)

I hope I can stay discipline with the routine 'cos I really want that toned up abdomen to fit into those body hugging tees..I hate those bulges!

I really, really want to stay on the healthy BMI. 22.6, here I come!!!


11 April 2009

I hate to say this but I think I treat different people differently. Double standard! That's what it is. And the worse of it all, I just realized it! So much for the equality and all. I think it's hard to attain.

Just that everyone have a certain set of expectations labelled to their friends, family, relatives etc. It's like reflex action. You can't control it!

Those expectation gets higher when you are closer to particular people. If they somehow fail to meet up with the expectations, you tend to get disappointed. Well, it's normal I think. What is more important is how you deal with the disappointment. Often, I chose the wrong way to handle it. Thus, it leads to terrible heartache. I know I shouldn't have dealt with it the way I did but at the spur of the moment you just can't think rationally. Afterall, I am a woman. They happen to be well-known for being irrational! For goodness sake! It is not that bad, okay?!

I mean why blame on gender or race or background when you happen to act/say/behave in the wrong way? At the end of the day, it is not those factors that really matters! It's all about your decisions.

So what if I happen to decide things wrongly at times? So what if I make mistakes? Don't anyone else? So, can you please stop blaming it on my gender already?? So what if I cry like a baby when I am sad? I am human with emotions. That separate you and me! So get that straight into your brain!

Wokay, I sound schizophrenic and confusing here. That's fine I am having my moment.

One more thing, this entry is not meant for anyone in particular.
Public Holiday was not well-spent but I am happy anyway. It seems like ages ago that I attended any Yellow Chair Production (YCP) events or bumped into any of the members. Things seem to be progressing but not as how I thought it would be.

Earlier today I managed to catch one of their many productions i.e. Eight-in-a-box. Refreshing I must say. Nothing to over the top and what I love the most is the script! Nurul & Shahdon! If you are reading this, I am really looking forward to the July Production. Wow me with your crazy ideas you all. I am loving it so far! :)

I am actually inspired. Inspired to write. It is something random but I want to pursue it. It is like a new challenge altogether. I want to write in a totally different level and perspective but at the same time digestible. Hmm..

Well, I have come to hate this monotony in my life. I hate this routine. Call me a whiner or whatsoever but I am tired living like this. Maybe, I should start to find a hobby.

Life has it funny way of making 360 degrees' turn and flip everything around.
It is when the least you expect to end up where you think you wont be, it changed your mind. How amazing..

When the town is sleeping, here I am awake, entertaining my own thoughts..
I shall make my exit now and continue to drown myself in my own world.

I love Friday night like this. Serene and calm.








01 April 2009



It's April. It has been almost a month and I went on without any updates.
I have been stuck in a timeless routine. Work.Study.Sleep.Wake up.Work.Study!!
This maddening cycle is driving me crazy and leeching my energy off.
I am left with nothing but exhaustion.

Today, I decided to steal away time and put up an entry for my reference.
It is definitely not a fulfilling update but more like a brief review of the month.

Another month of preparation and I am really counting on every ounce of hope I can get hold of. The time is approaching and anxiety kicks in at its optimum ability.
All I can do right now is to stay calm and organise my schedule.
In addition, I need to be disciplined about it.

It's my one and only chance. I need to prove it's all worthwhile.


08 March 2009

Bruised and Battered.
Torn and Tattered.
But it still beats the same.
Your name.


That's the hardest part isn't?
How I wish it can be as easy as quiting the game.
The pain too much to bear.

I cant believe I hold on so long just to be able to feel happy.
I cant believe I sacrificed so much to hold your hands.
And the saddest part..
You wont understand.
You never will.

All these years, I am nothing but negative.
I disappoint time and again.
I am that burden you always deny.
The forbidden name in your house.

Yes, it's not easy being where I am.
I envy you because you wont be going through it.
The way I did.

Am I asking too much?
Too much than what you can give.
Am I hoping sky high?
Too high that you cant reach.

If that's the case, pardon me.
And you don't have to worry.
I have stop hoping for my very own happy ending.


Whatever happen, happens for a reason.
Thank you so much for that temporary bliss.









20 February 2009

Rushed & Crushed

The days passed me without a second look.
Things have been happening at an ultra high speed that I can no longer stop and think.
There were times things got too much to handle that crying seems the best solution.
In just two weeks, it took away part of my youth.

Oh by the way, that rubber band was stretched to its maximum capacity and snapped.
No way for it to return to its original position. Period.

Let's just think happy thoughts for the time being now..

I went to watch Menopause the Musical.
It didn't meet my expectation. Perhaps I have too high of an expectation to begin with.
But it was enough to brighten my day and satisfy my theatre cravings.

He safely underwent that surgery and is recovering well. (or at least i hope he is)

I miss writing in Malay.But I don't know how to begin.

Expectation leads to disappointment.
The statement that holds so much truth.
Read it. Heard it.
But my brain cant seem to register it.
That explain the tears and heart aches.
I am in denial.Serious denial.
Why can't I quit hoping for a miracle?
Blooming petals.
Fantasy hardly becomes reality.

23.
It is just 22+1.
Ascending numbers which only stops once your time is up.
Importantly, the addition multiply happiness deduct sorrows.

1 year wiser (hopefully)
1 year worth of lessons learnt
1 year filled with mixed feelings
1 year living the dream

Thank you to those who have made being 23 awesome!
Especially..Ashikin, Nurul, Shahdon & Marrisa.
I am 2 weeks late. Sorry.

To him who never fail to surprise,
Thanks for the wonderful effort.
You made me smile. :)

She left for Australia.
Pursuing her dreams.
Bid the goodbyes on the 17th.
No one like to part.
Especially with someone whom they are fond of.
Nadira, the technology is so advance now.
We will definitely stay connected regardless of the distance.
My well wishes to you. *hugs*

Oh before she left we managed to camwhore @ Chinese Garden.
Of course the photographer of the day was Shahdon.
End result was not bad.
But the process was definitely fun and challenging at the same time!

Finals is in less than 3 months and I am not even half way there.
I should have foresee all these before enrolling.
The commitment level is definitely high!

My apologies for various appointments that was and is going to be cancalled in the process to upgrade myself. Sorry.

Internet connection at work has been limited to work-related.
That explains my absence or lack of participation in Facebook, Blogger and Messenger.

Please enlighten me on issue of pregnancy.
Does it reduces one responsibility to rock bottom?
Does it increases difficulty to remember things?
I need to know because it drives me crazy!! Argh!
(I am not the one suffering from the above by the way.)

Okay, I hope it is good enough of an update for the time being.
Goodnight!



08 February 2009

I cant get my pea brain to digest Business Management, so here I am wasting my time blogging.

Perhaps I should remind myself to update on the followings when I am less occupied and more willing to share it with the world..

1) Being a 23 year old
2) Photoshoot at Chinese Garden
3) Cluster re-unite

For now let me just add in additional overdue pictures for the fun of it. Pardon my scatter-brain.

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Marina Barrage.Wind in the hair moment.Serenity in the chaos.Minimal make-up.

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Now, Singapore is less hectic.

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Their very own Esplanade By the Bay.

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Heading North..

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The origins of Palmas and a source of income.

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Caught a Mat Salleh in an intense conversation.

18 January 2009

100 bucks on chemicals!!!

Yes. That's how much I spent.
But the experience is priceless.
Now at least i know how it felt like to sit for 4hrs in a salon!
I really warm up the seat.

The result: Extremely straight, silky and FLAT hair!! Now I know how Shikin felt the very 1st time she rebonded her hair. It's really like lidah anjing!!!

Enough about my tresses then. My very first theater experience for 2009 was great! It's been so long since I had a good experience with it. It's a brand new flavor. Unconventionally fantastic!
And of course, there were minor glitches here and there but Betrayed Babies left me inspired.

Brought him along to watch it to make up for the bad experiences. Thankfully, he loves it and don't mind to be theatrically-entertained in the future.

Next on the list will be Menopause the Musical and perhaps Past Caring by TNS.
Shall see how it goes and whether the finance department allows for it to happen.

14 January 2009

53%

I am seeing light at the end of the pitch black tunnel!!
Eventhough that light isnt a floodlight and doesnt shine as bright but it's better than no light at all.

It was really funny how I was beaming and jumping with joy at the sight of the mark. I was not easily contented back then. Hmm..

Maybe I have learnt to be more realistic in life on top of the chaos i was in on the day i sat for the paper. It is justifiable but definitely can perform way better next time. I am so going to dedicate myself and enjoy later.

Ooh, my motivating factor for work is going to arrive in less than a week. The sole factor that anchor me to the ground now.

Whee!! The rain is falling real soon and the well will be filled to its brim.
*starts to do the rain dance*

CNY holiday is coming soon!! I am so looking forward to it. Away from office and the most annoying human I have ever met. Hmph!

Obviously, it is a reason to celebrate!!!!!

Haiyah..So crappy already lah eh! Better make a move now.

13 January 2009

In the middle

The blog has been long neglected.
There are many things I wanted to post up but everytime I tried to do so my brain seems to fail me. Like there are 1001 things running through my mind and string of words just keep making its appearance in no particular sequence. I had no energy to thread it into sensible sentences.

I know I am not going to be any better now but since I am less occupied I better begin it.

So, life has not change drastically since the sudden arrival of 2009. In fact, it started on a very solemn note. Imagine on a brand new year, you ended up witnessing war and cruelty!! My heart goes to the victims of the Israeli attacks.

On the brighter note, ended 2008 with satisfaction and joy.
Visited KL. Attended friend's wedding at Perak. Shopped like there's no tomorrow. Treat my taste buds to tantalising meals. Conquered fear of height.

Okay, shall let the photos do the rest of the talking..

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