31 December 2005

Say goodbye to 2005..

I have been waiting eagerly for this day to come..
To start afresh in 2006.
However, when it is reaching the end I feel reluctant to leave it behind.
2005 I must say is one of the most memorable year of my life.
I stumbled and fall and picked myself up again.
2005 really test my patience and I was hurt countless of time.
But all these just serve as experiences to keep me moving.
I learnt more about myself and how I deal with certain situations.
It's been a crazy ride in 2005.
I can't even remember how many times I shed tears over
People I love..
My family..
My stupidity..
My mistakes..
I really cant remember how I get over those hurdles.
How I move on with my life, thinking I have get over everything..
How I put on a smile while hidden deep inside was just sorrow..
How I turned into a damn good actress not on stage but in real life..
How I tried hard to make everything turn back to normal again..
How I succeded in hidding my true feelings..
How I masked my anger over certain issues..

Now, 2006 is about to arrive in about 2 1/2 hour more.
Since now it's about 930 pm on a Saturday night.
I sprained my ankle over the most dumbest thing on earth.
I sprained my ankle while playing zero point.
How dumb can you get. Gosh!
Camp Nexus was a nice way to end my 2005 (will talk about it in detail some other time)
But getting my leg sprained wasnt a pretty nice start to 2006.
I cant party tonight all because of my foot. Argh!

Ok so now I have come up with one new year resolution already..
I hope my foot will recover within this few days.
The rest of it I shall make it unknown to you guys.

To you loyal readers out there:
HAPPY NEW YEAR!! May 2006 brings happiness to you guys!

Lots of LOVE from Me to you!! :)

23 December 2005

What will you get when Phantom of the Opera meets Moulin Rouge?
The answer is..PERHAPS LOVE!
It is such a lovely, theatrical kinda movie and I'm glad I watched it.
No regrets choosing to watch this over Chronicles of Narnia bla bla bla..
Haha! There's still more time to watch that movie though.
I'm falling in love with Takeshi Kaneshiro! I love his boyish looks.
Oh well I'm superficial so what rite? Haha! I can't help it.

Next topic, today's paper sucks and I can't even be bothered about it.
While others were comparing answers with each other, I stood there amused.
While others were venting their frustration because the paper was tough, I stood there calm.
Cool as a cucumber. Wahaha! And then I said something shocking..I thinkI'm going to fail the paper. Then, some of them were like shocked. Stood there in disbelieve. Haha!
What you expect? Last minute studying won't bring me any good.
My fault and I will pay for the price of being such a slacker.

To sum up this week in one word..I would say..It's TWISTED. Haha!
Really. Trust me. That word really describe how I felt this week.
But things are going to be better anyway. It's turning out well now I suppose.
I can't believe some of the crazy things I did this week. *slap self*
I'm in a state of hallucination and post trauma. *traumatise..traumatise*
What the hell was I thinking? Like huh? Was that me? Is it really me?
Stupid shit! That feeling wasn't even real lah! It is imaginary. Playing with all the possibilities.
Permutation and Combination shits!
If only I never bring up the topic, I won't be feeling something that is totally not there.
Anyway, me and my gatalness..That's the consequence I have to face.
Getting twisted and confuse over something isn't there to begin with. Haha!

PS: My apology to those who are involve in the process of my busukness and confusion.
PSS: I'm not in self denial anymore. Really, I have no such feelings. It's just some mind game. Clarify..clarify..

SMilez..Term Break, Christmas, Shopping and OutingS!
Cry..ProJects pRojects and more prOjects!!

22 December 2005

It think this week isn't that bad afterall.
I found a solution to one of my neverending problems.
I hope this is going to work.
So, I managed to tackle some of the difficult problems in my life.
Perhaps, Christmas will be a fun time then!
Fun time shopping! Whee!
That's just what I need..
I'm in LOVE!! Wohoo!
Oh my god! Oh my god!!!
Today..I had a shock of my life..I mean not once but twice!
Firstly, ANTM cycle 5 winner! I hate that bitch!!
How can she won the cycle 5?!!
How could she?
I hate her ah! I don't care ah! And Shahdon..You better stop showing her pictures to me!
No matter what you say I shall stick to my principle! Wahaha!
She don't deserve that title. Argh!!
I can go on and on about this but I shall stop here and continue with the second and final shocking moment.
Shit! Shit! SHIT! I cried! Yes..I did!
I cried while watching the freaking story. It thugs on my heart's string! Bohoo!
"Someday, Somewhere, Somehow.."
Thanks to Shahdon for recommending to me that story. Haha! Oh yah..About the musical I'm still considering but I won't go for the $100 plus one surely. No money liao.
Oh yah..Tomorrow last paper and I still have not start studying. *dies*

I think I should stop here and start studying.
So Shahdon, I have mentioned your name like thrice in my entry..So stop complaining your name isn't in my blog. There you go! Nah..Ambik kau! Hmph!

21 December 2005

Today..I am making my conclusion. I should just accept the fact and move on with my life.
I won't go around denying that feeling but all I will do now is to let it be.
I'm not going to change my mindset about it being wrong.
I'm still sticking to it. It's wrong but it's not a sin anyway.
So I have to accept the fact that I am feeling something so wrong yet so real. Haha!
At last, I'm clearing this mess.
Wokay..Now I would like to give my special thanks to some people who are there for me when my good friends are not around for me.
Thanks Along..for hearing my problems. Eventhough you don't understand but you tried to help and your advise does help in a way. Love you! *hugs*
Thanks Nad..It seems now we so going to be friends for life. Hahaha! You are always there for me whenever I need you to. You so sweet ah! But too much of you can give me diabetes you know. Hehe! Thanks once again for everything you did for me. One thing I so don't understand..How come all you suspicion are correct ah? Right on the spot. Haiyoh! Really can't hide anything from you ah.
And last of all, thanks fadz..Thanks ah Bro..You listened to my complains about that particular problem of mine 'cos I really have no one to turn to. Hehe! I must say sometimes you can be quite good in giving advises. Too bad you can't do the same for yourself. Haha! Opps!

I have alot more to write in here 'cos I'm feeling oh-so-good today. Must be the sufficient sleep I get yesterday. Wohoo!
A few problems solved.
Now, need to revise a few more topics and later at night, I'm so not gonna miss America's Next Top Model cycle 5! Kim!! I love you, les! Hehe!

Alrite people..I better get going. I'm happy today. *skating on ice like Disney on Ice in ITAS* Hahaha! Funny! I like!

20 December 2005

To the mystery reader who have been reading my entry secretly..This is for you.
I am sorry..Really sorry I caused you so much depression.
I am sorry you are falling deep into this.
You hope it will be smooth sailing but it all turn so wrong.
It is a rocky ride..and now it seems so hard to give a definite answer to all your questions.
I am sincerely very sorry..My heart seems to be torn between two beings.
I don't know how to untangle the mess I have created.
If only I could turn back time and take back all my words..
This will never happen.
If only my heart quit playing games with me, this wont happen.
I'm lost in the midst of all these.
I cannot turn to anyone for help because there's nothing they can do.
You have been supportive and understanding throughout this period of time.
I cant possibly thank you enough for what you have done.
I know it hurts you real badly and I cant be the one to nurse your wound 'cos I'm helpless.
Too helpless.
I'm sorry that you thought that you have found the one and thought that everything is going to turn out right.
But all this seems so different now.
All I request from you is to give me time.
Time to sort my feelings.
I hope you understand this just like you did previously.
Thank you..
Bloody hell!!!!!!!
I don't know what to do now.
Seriously, it's not going away.
It's not sinking deep down. In fact, it keep resurfacing everytime.
I still think it's wrong. REALLY WRONG!!
But the more I say it..the more difficult to forget it.
In fact, I can't forget it AT ALL!!!
How? HOW??
Dear Heart..Stop this game!!
I cannot take it anymore..I want it to be normal again.
I want it to remain deep down like it use to be in the past years.

19 December 2005

It is pointless to hold on to the feelings for years.
It is just a waste of my time because I feel you wouldnt care and you won't do anything about it.
I hope you won't ever mention it at all.
I just hope what I'm feeling isnt real.
I just hope I'm wrong.
I hope they are wrong about it as well.
'Cos if they are right..then I'm gonna be speechless.
I'm surely don't know what to do.
I never want to severe any ties which is created.
I never want to destroy anything between us.
I think something are better left unsaid..unspoken..
For we should remain silent.

18 December 2005

I guess I've been so wrong all these while..
I assume that the thought of it will fade away soon but it didnt
Yet it stills linger.
How does it all happens without me even realising it?

"If your heart is broken, forget me and it shall be cured..As for me, let it be known when this heart stops beating the only thing worth remembering would be the memories of you..."

17 December 2005

15 December 2005


I am facing alot of shits right now.
First and foremost, friendship shits. I really don't know how to explain this but it is one damn freaking problem. I hate the fact that people keep twist and turn my words. I don't mind people talking behind my back 'cos I do it often. But changing what I have told them I just can't accept it. You know what I mean. Next, I hate the fact when people keep taking my presence for granted. Like when you are having problems that's when you come running to me. Other than that, NO. Thanks and I'm not complaining.
Family shits. I hate my brothers.Period.
Major project. A total nightmare.
Term test. Not prepared.
Relationship. Why must it takes me so long to meet you? And then I'm going to be far away from you...Haiz..
The end of all sort of shits!

Translated version: Friends to laugh with come by the dozens..but friends who will lend their shoulder to cry on are one in a million.

13 December 2005

My New Hobby!

Thanks to Nad I have found a new hobby.
Not stamps, not Pokemon stickers and not even Bus Tickets..
But..Earrings! Yes! E.A.R.R.I.N.G.S.
Going out with her for the past two days can really drive me crazy.
You should have seen the amount of clothes she asked me to try on.
Those Skirts..Jackets..Tops and Earrings!
I'm just in love with ALL of them!
In just 2 days, I bought two pairs of new earrings.
Just imagine if I am to hang out with her everyday.
Each day a new pair of earrings.
By the end of the month, I will accumulate dozens of earrings.
Madness I tell you!

On the other side of the story, I have been up with quite a number of planning to be done.
Revision plan. Project Meeting schedule. My own personal outings.
I still need my life ah.
End of the year sale..Shopping!! But I owe people money and need to repay them before they start chasing after me for it. I'm so gonna be dead.
By the way, I am easily agitated nowadays especially with a particular someone.
I have no idea why but yes I'm always getting irritated/angry with this someone.
Very bad of me though but guess stuffs keep accumulating and then it all happens.
I won't give an explanation to it any sooner. I will keep it to myself.
I better get some revision started now.
Will be back with more updates in time to come. See ya!
A walk to Remember

It's sad when everybody keep walking away from your life just like that.
You feel so lost without them but then can't be bothered.
They don't understand it.
But I realize I can't rely on them.
Even the closest of friends.
However, there come one point of the time you meet someone who share some common grounds with you..
Without you knowing it, you become close to him/her.
Without you knowing it, you keep spending your time with him/her.
True friend I suppose.
Like what I often mention nowadays..Friends for Life! Hehe!
Interesting how our path crossed and we find so much similarity about each other.
Cherish this friendship. Thanks! :)

11 December 2005

I was blushing that night.
You looked into my eyes.
My heart skipped a beat.
Oh shit!
I looked away from that gaze.
How can I become so shy?
Silly me..

10 December 2005

It's better to leave it at a safe distance like this.
I shall keep my distance since that's the best option.
I realize friendship is more than what meet the eyes.
I realize it through you.
Thank you.

06 December 2005

Just stop questioning the impossibles..
It will lead you to nowhere.
Time really went by like the speed of a bullet train.
In about 3 months time..
I'm graduating from TP.
I can't believe it.
AND I can't believe I'm actually dreading the fact that I am graduating.
I'm sure gonna miss school.
I remembered I used to wish to get out of TP as soon as possible.
Graduate and have a better life.
But now..
I meet extraordinary people..
People who change my life.
People who bring smile and laughter.
People who bring tears.
People who allow me to grow up.
These people..I cross path with them.
And now I'm about to lose them.
Maybe this is life.
You lose the things you treasured the most.

03 December 2005

To avoid a particular person from accusing me trying to make him jealous by telling in full details about this highly recommended play so I decided not to disclose the details of the performance. All I can say..Teater Ekamatra has done it AGAIN! After the success of Impenjarament, this is another applaudable performance.
I give Lelembut 4.5/5

Ok from here onwards, my entry will be in Malay. I want to quote a few comments given for this "Lelembut" prior to it being staged. I find the comments humourous or funny.

Nak kena bayar ni sikit leceh! Bukan semua yang mampu!

Sekadar harga beberapa 'burger'. Janganlah kita mengira bagi mendapatkan santapan minda dan jiwa. Kita mesti sokong perkembangan teater Melayu di Singapura.

Dengar-dengar 'Lelembut' cerita mengenai macam-macam hantu! Betul! Macam-macam hantu! Tak Percaya? - Polong, Pontianak, Hantu Tetek, Hantu Galah! Alamak seram sejuk dibuatnya! Kalau cerita hantu mesti ramai yang datang terutama Hantu Teater! Ha!Ha!Ha! - amacam ketawa macam hantu tak?

Lelembut masih memerlukan sokongan anda. Jika tidak ruang dewan akan hanya dipenuhi HANTU.

Segala macam hantu akan dilepaskan hujung minggu ini. Jangan lepaskan peluang melihatnya. Datanglah beramai-ramai ke Esplanade!

Jangan lupa bawak paku!

"Di dalam kalam, malam..Ada ALAM"
Point to ponder: Imagine if your race in your IC state that you are "bunianese" (a.k.a orang bunian)..So cannot get Mendaki Bursary!! Hehe! Opps..

To sum it all..Lelembut..COOL SHIT!

01 December 2005

Gosh! So worn out.
So many things in my mind right now.
3 Projects in progress. Log book that have yet to be updated.
Applications to fill up. Quiz to study for. Interview to prepare for.
Drama workshop to attend. Cover letter and resume to be edited.
Contemplating on an audition.
Being a leader in ALL 3 Projects SUCKS!
Tiring and mentally draining..
I can't think straight now.
I want more sleep. Period.

29 November 2005

In deep shit right now!
Progress interview is approaching in a few days time and I have not even update my logbook!!!
Nervous and my stomach is churning. I feel like shitting.
Today is one of the rarest time I reach home before the sun set.
I need to rush my logbook and better not procrastinate again!
On the brighter side, I'm still maintain my position at the Top 10. Being consistent.
Hopefully that will be sufficient enough to get my application for scholarship accepted.
Pray hard..
Ok ok People!! I shall write up a decent entry here after so much of my "poetic" entries. Haha! It isnt poetic afterall lah. It just that my entries are shorter than any normal entry and they are not in complete sentences.
First and foremost, people keep asking or saying that I'm stupid to delete all my past entries. Haha!
Maybe I am stupid lah..but my past entries are EVEN more stupid. I don't even regret deleting it all 'cos nothing too precious in it.
Oh well, been lazy to blog eversince projects keep piling up on me. What a life!
Thank goodness I have my stress reliever kit every Monday and Friday with me. DRAMATEC!!
I love you guys. You guys are just so happening.
Oh yah, there are 2 new happening members in DT. Emmy and Jared! Cool people. I like!
Now, my throat hurts after so much screaming, shouting, laughing and squawking at Techno and the bus stop yesterday.
Mas, you Minah Busok you! Haha! I still cannot get the image out of my mind. Long skirt and smoking doesnt fit well together! Haha!
Oh oh..better get going now. Will update more in the future if time permits me to.
Miss acting!

28 November 2005

Missing a few people here.
Been thinking about them lately.
I wish they are here with me.
Missing them really badly.
I'm counting the days till I meet them again.
In 1-2 weeks time..
That's quite a long wait I suppose.

27 November 2005

If I'm given a chance to ask you just just one question.
I will ask..
Why aint you here with me?
To smile at the achievements.
To observe the glory.
To applause the successes.
To catch me when I fall.
To heal me when I'm wounded.
To hold me near you when I'm in fear.

You are always not here.
Despite being so near you seem so far away.
I almost lose you.
Walking through the mist
I'm lost
Searching for the right path
Through unfamiliar roads
I'm afraid..
Afraid to go on.
Afraid to choose 'cos I might be wrong...

26 November 2005

Everything change.
It changes so much..
When you get accustomed to a certain thing
It just changes.
But you can't run away from changes, can you?
So let's nature takes its course.

25 November 2005

The story of Snow white.
The poisoned apple.
The witch.
Why must fairy tales come true?
How I wish it never come true.
How I wish the apple wasnt poisoned.
How I wish witches don't exist.
But they do!
How sad.
Very sad.

Read Me!

Starting afresh.
Deleted the past.
Living the present.
Awaiting the future.
Smile and enjoy every seconds of your life.
The chance will never come again.
Everything have been cleared from the system as of today.
It will just be some memories. Be it good or bad.