Time check: 720am.
I cant seem to put myself to sleep. Currently, in a paranoia state. It seems so hard for me to push it aside. I'm worried. Eversince yesterday.
I had a dream. A nightmare to be specific. About it. My life have become DREAMSCAPE 3.1 now! Oh great. In the zone already.
Okay, see how I am now?! I cant stop worrying. In fact, there is a mix of nervousness accompanying that feeling. On normal occassion, after a dream I cant recall it or just have a vague image of it BUT not this time. The same exact dream keep playing and playing all over again in my mind like a spoiled video recorder. I should not over-react I suppose.Well oh well, easier said than done. Sigh.
My negligence lead me to this and it's not practically the perfect time to drop your HP in the taxi. Fortunately for me, my HP is not totally missing but it is just not with me in times when I really need it. I feel like a fish out of the water!
I swear I'm going to learn my lesson after the incident. After the night I did 200m sprint back home I'm going shopping for the HP string.
All I need now is sleep which for some weird reason I cant put myself into and something to calm me down. Or maybe something to do to kill the time.
Let the clock ticks faster please!
The feeling is not disappearing so soon and I think it just grow even stronger now. That panic attack mode. Damn.
Should have known from the start this is going to happen.
Should have known prepared for it. My mistake.
Just too busy for my own good.
Too many things going through my head till I misses out some important facts of life.

Frequent squabbles..Err..Maybe imperfection is the first step to a life-long journey. I hope.

Finally it's over!
Good job to all my co-actors and a new experience for me.
The first time involved in such an event.
New friendships are forge and learnt a couple of things more.
However, I did just ok in yesterday performance and unbelievable I had a mental block while delivering 1 chunck of lines. Damn.
Luckily, I managed to cover up and the rest of the scenes went smoothly. Phew!
Oh did I mentioned how i love the Dikir Barat group?
They are friendly bunch!
During the rehearsal b4 the actual performance, they watched us. They made us laughed on stage.
Lastly, I love my eye makeup thanks to one of my co-actors and thanks Hidayah for your costume rental service. Hehe!

I'm all alone now. Weird.
After all those mad rush for the whole entire week I'm down with almost nothing to do.
After tomorrow things gonna pace down very much (I hope).
I've not been getting sufficient sleep and rest and to top it all been doing lots of thinking as well.
Emotional rollercoaster this week and I'm totally drained.
Beginning of the week I was feeling like on top of the world and as the days passed the feeling deteriorated.
Broke down couple of time. Haiz..
Stupid stupid. Should not have done that.
Anyway, now it's better now since I'm being assured (not insured).

Apart from being emotionally drained, I experienced something fulfilling this week.
Opportunities just awaits me right in front of my door steps.
Received 2 calls which changed my fortune.
The golden opportunity. Make me smile and cry at the same time.
And oh yes, it makes me think. Think real hard.
And perhaps I find the answer..(I think so)

After all these, going to get down to real business. No more fun. Just plain serious adult life.

Will wonder ever cease?
3 Male teaching a female dance moves.. hmm..*ponders*

Oh yah..Guess what? I discovered something today..Interesting to me but perhaps not to you guys. But oh well let me just share it anyway.
Do you know how the name "techno" even derived from the eating place which sells 1/2 fried spring chicken rice?
It was said that the name was derived long time ago..to be exact 6-7 years ago.
His brother told him that.
The reason why it was called 'techno'..
Simple reason. Cos that place always play techno music.
What a way to name an eating place. So predictable lah!
But nonetheless the name still stuck in our head till today.
Originally stupid but it created an impact though. Haha!

That's all about the history of 'techno' (eating place opposite TP)
Hail techno! Hail techno!

I dont want to be like THEM!! *cries*
Don't want!! Argh!!
See see..You happy right I blog about gaining weight? Sheesh.
This someone keep saying that I'm going to turn like those Mak ciks walking back from the market in near future!
In other words, growing horizontally and wider! Argh!
You evil you evil you evil! *continue chanting*
I'll make sure I go to the gym every week ah i tell you.
I don't want to turn into a humpty dumpty in the near future.
I don't care I don't want to.
Gosh traumatising just thinking of it. I think i better stop thinking of it and start talking of something else.

My friend advise me not to rush things and I think she's right.
I will not rush things and stay happy for now.
At least I'm doing something I love.
Anyway, I'm feeling way better now. I mean I was sick on the weekend and now I definitely have recovered. Get back to real business. Memorising script. Scripts I mean. I'm so worried I'm gonna mix up my lines.
God I'm so stress now. *starts flipping the scripts*
I'm so stress I think I feel like shitting.
2 productions. 1 in 4 days and another in less than a month. Yikes!
Err..I think I need to shit now. See you guys another time.

Update again from me! Let me see where should I begin? Hmmm..
Currently, still selling anggur (grapes) or the direct term for it..UNEMPLOYED.
However, I did manage to earn some cash..Not thru' any illegal ways mind you but through an easy but patience-testing way.
Wat exactly I mean by that?
Well..was working at the Singapore Expo from 25th-28th April at the Secretariat doing some quite an easy job but the person in-charge didnt make it quite easy definitely.
Imagine at one point of time I felt like strangling her or hanging her on a tree. Yerp she can be dat annoying I tell you. Fussy and always..I mean ALWAYS making me do unnecessary things. Especially photocopying so many copies of papers which she thought could beautify the walls of the office.
The purpose: to make those as wall papers. How nice!
Lucky for me..I was working with superb colleagues.
That made the whole thing fun and funny as well.

You know i decided to do some Singapore Discovery..Searching for places of interest all over Singapore. Since I'm juz plain tired of Orchard, Bugis, PS and Esplanade..I decided to turn into mother nature. But it was thrilling. Haha!
Definitely refreshing..Ahh..RI...CO..LA..!!! :D

Let move on to Anugerah Skrin.
It was my 1st time watching it after I missed the previous episode..
My comment: Rafaat Hamzah was kinda weird with the judging. Perhaps he was being sarcastic today after it was said he was being Simon Cowell previously. I think he should not have bothered about those comments as long as he believe that by saying what he said he is being frank and keep the contestants aware of their weaknesses. But apparently he took things quite badly and decided to limit his comments. He commented things like " Ok", "I enjoy myself" and "they are funny". Kinda vague I must say but thankfully there's Najib Ali who give constructive feedback and all.
About the talents..They are fluent but some seem to be scripted. They way they speak like so not natural. Hmm..

Last of all, today helped out around the house ALOT. Since my mom decided to make a mini celebration for her belated wedding anniversary..so i had to help in the kitchen. But it was worth it especially when the food turned out superb. Yummylicious. :D
A full stomach equates to a Happy Me!

One month passed and finally the reunion. Haha! Met 3 of my closest poly friends on wednesday. Fazira, Kyrul and Ann. It was nice meeting them all over again especially with so much laughter. Despite the short outing, it was enough to bring back the old times we hanged out together. Our destination of the day was Seoul Garden. Thanks to Fazira who treated me as it was kinda obvious I'm broke! So sweet of her. Oh well she has always been sweet to start with. :)
Okay my first time there or in fact everybody's first time there. At first, was quite clueless about the whole thing but ended up being quite pro.
I could not recall the amount of food I gorged into my mouth but all I know after 3 hours there I find it hard to move or even laugh. Haha!
We talked and talked and of course not to forget photo-taking as well.
I discovered I looked FAT in the pictures!! Gosh!
We wrapped up the whole outing with our plan to meet at the FHA in expo next wed. Formal attire wont destroy our plan to go out ya! Hehe!

Yesterday, had MSN convo with MR too good to be true and had a glimpse of his life. Not bad. There's an interesting update about him though. He recently acted in Ch5 new comedy (Maggie and Me with Fiona Xie), Ch8 tv series and 1 of Jack Neo's Movie. Impressive but well with no script of course. Nonetheless the experience is definitely a good one. Well did not chat with him much since I'm chatting with ehem ehem in the next window. You know my common sense just tell me not to have a long elaborate conversation with Mr too good to be true. So ended the convo quite fast. That was the past afterall. No point you know having more connection with him after that. I guess it's enough to stay mutual. Separate life and everybody is happy. Most importantly, I'm happy or better beyond that. :)

Reflect back..Been quite a long journey I've go thru' so far and a longer journey ahead. Will definitely continue to stay true to myself.

What an inspiring day today is..Despite the weather being oh so bad, surprisingly it doesnt affect my mood though. Perhaps some people might just wanna sleep all day long *stares* and blame the weather for making them sleepyhead. Tsk tsk tsk! Terrible. But oh well I started the day early..and went for an interview. Not bad. I see hope there. Being very determined to stay strong. 2 days of waiting and hope there's positive result at the end of it.
Yesterday, I cant sleep that well and I wonder why. It's like I was closing my eyes but still awake. Weird.

Yesterday was the sweetest day perhaps even with the drizzling. It didnt destroy the day. :)
It's gone too far..way too far. I hope it last!

It's getting oh so frustrating!! When..When will the time come??
I need miracle fast..Faster than ever. I hate it when people keep saying to me I'll get it..But when? When is it exactly? I don't want any wishes anymore! I just want LUCK. It's all about LUCK now. I'm getting agitated at the fact I still don't get it. I hate this ah! Am I going to go on like this for months? Or worse still years! I wont let that happen!! I better remind myself not to get demoralise or discourage over the fact that I still am unsuccessful. Gosh look what I'm doing to my life right now? A complete utter MESS! I'm aimless clueless and worse JOBLESS! I need to pull myself together and go full force this time round. Haiz..Isnt that what I've been reminding myself every single day..every single morning when I wake up I just hope and keep hoping to receive a call. Call for some bloody miracle. But NO..It have not happen as yet!
*start pulling hair out of frustration*
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!

In case you have not notice, I've been blogging frequently nowadays.
The reason being..I'm just too free!
Boredom drives people to do unbelievable things.
For example, surfing the net in search of some love poetry OR going to ChannelnewsAsia website to read the NEWS!!
I've started to pick up that habit only recently and I find it quite interesting especially reading the stuffs written under the Health News.
I learnt more about Parkinson's Disease and Alzheimer's Disease and not to forget effect of Green Tea to combat Alzheimer's Disease. Cool shit!
Oh gosh I've turn geeky but never mind..Improve my health knowledge.
Alrite readers..Will be up with more entries in days to come.

Raining!! Again it's raining. Perfect weather to fall asleep. Whee! I feel so lazy eversince I dont know when. I wonder what's gotten into me. Am I sick? I think I am. Haha! It's only a few months and I'm like this. What can I say..Must be someone have cast an evil spell on me..hmm..*wonders*

Today had to wake up quite early..in fact very early indeed to follow my mom for morning walk. Brisk walking to be exact. It was organized by Eunos CC and my mom conveniently signed my name up and told me only a week before the event. How nice.Haha. So being a*ahem* good *ahem* daughter I am I followed her to the event. I was given an oversized T-shirt to wear for the day but oh well I didnt quite bother about it 'cos it was quite comfortable actually. And now come to the most interesting part of the event..The Brisk walking started and guess what..the distance was so short that I did not even produce a single beads of sweat. Talk about trying to burn some extra calories..I dont think I lose any!

After the whole brisk walking thingy, we proceeded to the market to observe the opening of the new market by BG George Yeo and the MPs of Eunos CC. I am such a good resident I tell you. An act to follow. Hehe! Whatever ah eh.

Aniwae, there's a night market around my area and I'm sooo loving it. I always look forward to night market. Kinda fun actually especially the food! *grins*
My mom and I never miss the opportunity to check out what's in store for us at the night market. Food such as Otak-otak will always win our hearts. So there we go again..checking out the night market and I'm seriously amused at how many friends my mom have. Imagine from one end of the night market to another end we had to stop countless of times so that my mom could have a small talk with her friends!! Amazing..My mom is extremely friendly beyond words. Hah!

Not bad at least today I have something to blog about rather than trying to crack my brain to come out with an entry not worth blogging about. Well well I have been writing my usual malay stuffs again. I seriously need quite abit of polishing up. I'm just too free I tell you. I need my job fast or my parents wont let me go off that easy..Argh!! *meditate*

I'm still in disbelief.
In disbelief about the things I did..and how sensitive I can possibly be.
Especially over some things people said.
Talking about stupidity! Haiz..

Things get a 'lil spicy after me being the itchy mouth started talking about perfect.
The ups and downs..
The tears and laughter..
And not to forget Anger!

Frankness can be a hazard some time but oh well at least it's better. Rather than hiding things and creating MORE problems..

"Things just change the day I meet you..Perhaps for the better"

Truthfully, I'm running out of things to blog here. Hmm..What can I say, not much have been happening and I'm still worried sick about my unemployment and finance.
Sorry you have to endure this super uninteresting entry of mine and oh well come to think of it since when is my blog entry interesting in the 1st place. Hmm..Haha!

Oh! I've decided to amuse myself with some malay songs!!! *faints*

Mengintai Dari Tirai Kamar (Exist)

Dinginnya angin malam ini
Menyapa tubuhku
Namun tidak dapat mendinginkan
Hatiku yang kau hangatkan

Terasa tercabarnya kelakianku ini
Dengan sikapmu menentanglah
Aku ini insan kekurangan
Senangnya kau mainkan...

Siapalah aku ini untuk
Memintal buih yang memutih
Menjadi permaidani seperti mana
Yang tertulis dalam novel cinta...

Juga mustahil bagiku
Menggapai bintang di langit
Menjadikan hantaran syarat untuk milikimu semua itu
Sungguh aku tak termampu...

Silap aku juga
Kerana jatuh cinta
Insan sepertimu
Seanggun bidadari

Seharusnya aku cerminkan diri
Ku sebelum tirai kamar aku
Buka mengintaimu...

Jinx!
Shit..I was just speaking about perfect..
and the next thing you know..
Heated Arguement!
Argh~!
I should have not touch on the topic of being too perfect.
But anyway, it all went back to normal after that.
I'm so glad it didnt drag on further.

I'm back to the gym! Healthy lifestyle all over again. Whee!

I end up finding things to do to pass the time. Haiz.
Doing alot of cleaning up at home. Even down to cleaning the refrigerator.
Things I normally do to kill time.
I read a couple of books and magazines as well.
I'm still waiting for more call-up. I'm bored at home especially with no cash!
Now, I'm worried what's happening. No reply from him. It's 12:30pm and I bet he's awake by now. *smack self* I'm just worried for nothing I guess but I'm still waiting for the reply. Please reply....

I'm off to tidy up my room then. Cya!

Bored!!!!!

It's already 11:05am in the morning..Oh no!! I'm about to determine my own fate in just about a few hours time. My oh my..This is scary and nerve-recking to be exact. *pray hard*

Anyway, to a particular someone..Cheer up ok! Smile and don't let it get the better of you which apparently it already did.
And always remember I'm here and you can always consult me. :)

Oh yah..I discovered something interesting while looking thru' Nad's Blog. And guess wat..Her mom and my mom share the same birthday. Yes..Wednesday, 29th March!! So cool isnt it? Haha! I just realised it after 3 years of friendship.

oh shoot it's 12:03pm already..Better get going. Bye! Wish me luck ya!

Somehow I don't feel that today is Sunday. It feels more like a weekday or to be more specific it feels like Friday. Don't ask me why I feel it's like that particular day and not any other days 'cos I don't know why either.
For past few days I can't stop thinking about it.
It just keep haunting me day and night.
The reason why I'm down OR super weird at times.
I just don't know why but I'm really lost now.
Lost a part of my confidence to achieve my particular dream.
I know he constantly keep assuring me that everything is going to be fine and that dream isnt the only thing in life.
I agree with him and would like to thank him for the assurance.
But somehow I'm still feeling down about it.
I know it's not everything if i cant fulfill that dream but..
You see what I mean..There's always BUT in my sentences.
Perhaps I want it so bad that it's affecting me too much.
Even right down to my self-esteem. Sigh.
I should have known better than to put high hopes on that dream of mine.
I should have known it way better that it's near to impossible to achieve it.
Yet I still continuosly hoping for it to come true.
Hopelessly waiting for the day that dream will be fulfilled.
I can't seem to wake up from it and admit defeat.
I can't possibly dump that dream aside and continue the rest of my life knowing that I don't make the effort to do something about it. That'll make me a total failure.
You know, secretly I envy him(you know who you are) for being so fortunate.
Getting all the support from the loved ones. I just yearn for such miracles to happen to me.
I wonder when will that be?
-----------------------------------
I'm seriously in need of a job.
Like I'm too free right now that I decided to blog a long entry.
To kill time.
That's what I normally do in the past 1 month!
No income, waste money!
Something I do best recently.
I'm feeling more impatient since I know my friends have started to work and earn reasonable amount of cash for themselves.
And me? What am I doing with my life?
Apart from Drama, I don't achieve anything much!
I can't go on like this for the next 2 months or so before I really obtain my Diploma, can I?
Some have secure permanent jobs. Lucky ones. Sigh.
There's something wrong with my resumes or cover letters that I'm not employed till now? Argh!!
Frustrating.
Can't afford to have too much fun now since mom has started to repeatedly asked me about my job applications.
How am I suppose to explain myself?
Now I know the difficulty unemployed people go thru' to find a decent job for themselves.
Guess have to work extra hard to impress the employer huh?
Alright, my time is up and I can't go on complaining about how difficult it is to get a job. So I better get going and be more proactive in search for a job.
The quest will be continued...

Convo with Mum while walking to the shop
Mak: Kau tau ada tak pegi rumah cik jah dengan mak cik kau biler hari raya tahun lepas?
Me: Err..A'ah.
Mak: Tadi makcik kau ceritakan aku..Cik Jah tu punya sedara berkenan kat kau..Nak jodohkan kau ngan anak dier yang baru abis universiti.
Me: *dumbfounded but in my heart almost burst out laughing*
Mak: Aku ketawa biler mak cik kau ceritakan aku pasal tu. Abeh mak cik kau cakap anak sedara saya masih nak belajar lagi. HAHAHA!

You know what it means when someone wants to jodohkan a girl and a guy?
Well, it spells MATCHMAKING!!!
Argh!! It will be a total nightmare I tell you.
Alrite, for the sake of some non-malays out there I'll summarize my conversation with my mum in English.
Apparently, during last year Hari Raya's Visit to one of my aunties house, a visitor (Mak cik X) was interested to get his son married to me (Like out of all people..Why me?). The story was told by my aunt to my mum who almost died due to laughing so much. Haha! Thank goodness my aunt came to the rescue by telling Mak Cik X that I'm still furthering my studies and not ready for marriage. I love you aunt!
Phew~! That was a close encounter with arranged marriage which I am so against.
Yesterday I was happily laughing my ass off about him being matchmake or so with a girl and today I got this kind of story from my mom. How coincidental?

I think I should stop that there.
Traumatizing!

The theme of the year..Colourful!!
Decided to give my blog a new look and since I'm avoiding black for the time being..
I chose this template.
Haha!
I find it cute and well.. Colourful!!
It brightens up my blog so it wont look so depressing afterall..
I had a great time with THEM.
How nice if I have lots of money to spent on..
I want to buy alot of things..
New pair of jeans, shoes and a new handphone?
*sidetrack*
The story of Goldilocks and the Three Bear!
How interesting!
I found a fairytale that I can associate with..
Maybe the next time I'll blog about the story.
So much for wasting my time over non productive activities..
Ok..I'm so Hanyut!
Anyway, I've been conversing using A-Z format for the past 2 days..
Haha!
It's Fun since I get to stimulate my brain to at least think.
That's just what I need : )
Brain stimulation.

Finally.. Like finally I get back my internet connection.
It's been 3 torturous months without internet access and it's difficult life without internet.
Oh well, I forget to thank you guys who came down to support us in Tainted Flower.
Thanks to Mas and Shah for the Flowers & Fadz for the drawing..
I have yet to blog about the production in details but heck it have been weeks after the production.
As usual, like every other productions the casts and crew eventually get closer and more comfortable with each other..
We even hang out together at times which reminds me of those old times in Dramatec.
I even forge new friendships in Yellow Chair and apparently I get closer to Sue and Ella.
They are nice people and I can really talk to them..Now my circle of friends has expanded.
How nice! Hehe!
Oh yah..One more interesting thing I discovered after Tainted Flower is how everybody is connected in different ways.
Muzill was shaiful's and my primary sch friend who now is the BF of Dhaniah's lil sis who was my ELDDS junior who is now Sue's junior.
Then, there's Din who was Faizal's classmate in JC and Fazli who is Syima's and Faizal's fren who was my counsellor junior back in secondary school.
You see how all of us are connected?! Strange but true! Haha!

Next, the progress in Yellow Chair..It's nice to see the spirit of the members..Very optimistic yet realistic about the whole club. I'm proud to be in the club eventhough I did very minimal contribution so far. Shaiful, if you are reading this thanks for the opportunity and approaching me to join the club in the first place. You rock ah! Hehe! It's amazing how we was never close before can still keep in contact till now. Unlike some individual.

I'm still in search of job for now and I envy those who already get a job and have the money to spent. I'm so jealous. I need the money sey! Shit ah!
Since now I'm back to the virtual world I'll be more actively sending out my resumes and cover letters to companies and hopefully I can start to write Cerpen again.

Anyway, I shall end this now..Will continue it some other day. Cya!

*sing* It's boring..it's boring..My life is getting boring!!!*stop singing*
I'm in school rite now and it feels like a ghost town. So empty!
I'm just plain bored so i decided to update my blog.
Oh yah before i start off with my entry i shall do last minute publicity for Tainted Flower.
Check out the poster at:
http://photos1.blogger.com/hello/52/4229/640/FINAL%20POSTER.jpg

Those who have yet to collect your tickets from me, you can do so.
Those who have yet to purchase the ticket, i can book for you and you can collect it at the front door on the actual day itself.

Okay i will end it here.

Next, what have been happening lately?
Hahaha! Rehearsals and something else i did which was a shock to me.
I didnt know what I got myself into but that experience is priceless and funny!
So i'm officially unemployed and broke.
A bad combination. Haiz..
I'm missing someone badly but have yet to meet this person.
My presentation at CGH went pretty well and I hope I can get a job soon (around april or so..)

Oh gosh I don't know what else to say despite the fact I have alot to say..
Haiz guess my brain is not functioning as per normal.
Siva suggested I read books and I think I'm going to borrow some since i'm in the library.
Thanks for the suggestion ya.

I think i better get going and borrow the books!! Bye!